Note: I could not resist making up my own answers for most of these. Sorry if I'm not playing by the rules...
Coke or Pepsi? Neither, I don't drink pop.
7-Up or Sprite? Ok, I take that back, I love Sprite. ;-)
Kool-Aid or Hawaiian Punch? Both
McDonald's or Burger King? McDonald's
Wendy's or White Castle? Wendy's (I LOVE their frosty's)
Soyburgers or Tofu Dogs? Soyburgers
Ginger or Mary Ann? Ginger
Wilma Flintstone or Betty Rubble? Betty Rubble
Laverne DeFazio or Shirley Feeney? Both (I always get them mixed up...)
Marge Simpson or Jane Jetson? Marge Simpson!
Olive Oyl or Peggy Hill? Olive Oyl
George Reeves or Christopher Reeve? Christopher Reeve (someone forgot the "h"...)
Adam West or Michael Keaton? Adam West
Clayton Moore or Klinton Spilsbury? Who are they...?
Playboy or Penthouse? Neither. Ick. No. Never.Gallery or Hustler? Neither. Ick. No. Never.
Sports Illustrated or National Geographic? National Geographic
New York Times or New York Post? New York Times
USA Today or Your Local Paper? USA Today
National Enquirer or Weekly World News? Neither
Krispy Kreme or Dunkin' Donuts? Krispy Kreme all the way baby!
Jell-O or Pudding? Pudding
Ice Cream or Cake? Ooh, both!!
Marijuana or Alcohol? Neither. Eww.
LSD or Peyote? What?
Heroin or Crack? Neither. Eww.
Menthol Cigarettes or Non-Menthol? Neither
A Pipe or A Cigar? Neither
Snuff or Chewing Tobacco? Neither
Ivory or Dove? Ivory
Tidy Bowl or 2000 Flushes? Um... Neither?
Charmin or The Sears-Roebuck Catalogue? Charmin
Alice Cooper or KISS? KISS!! Gene Simmons kicks butt!
Rush or The Guess Who? The Guess Who.
AC/DC or Black Sabbath? Ooh, both!!
Deep Purple or Led Zep? Led Zeppelin
The Who or The Rolling Stones? Both!
The Beatles or Chuck Berry? The Beatles
Jerry Lee Lewis or Little Richard? Um... Little Richard?
Baseball or Football? Baseball
Basketball or Hockey? Hockey!!
Volleyball or Lacrosse? Neither
Protestant or Catholic? Um... I don't know... What's Epsicopalian?
Reform, Conservative, or Orthodox? Your questions are confusing me!
Atheist or Agnostic? Ahh!! Stop!!
Big Bang or Creationism? I Don't know!!
Evolution or Devolution? I'm so confuzzled!
Slide, Swing, or See-Saw? Oh, thank gosh that's over. Um, all three!!
Wedgie or Cup Check? haha, wedgie.
Married or Single? Single
Monogamy or Polygamy? Monogamy
Gay or Straight? Straight
Straight or Curly? Spikey!!
Curly or Shemp? I can't tell them apart...
Shemp or Joe? ...
Joe or Curly Joe? ...
Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly? Who?
Ginger Rogers or Cyd Charrise? I repeat... Who??
The Nicholas Brothers or... Um... I guess the Nicholas Brothers...?
'62 Mets or '03 Tigers? Neither
Superman or Spiderman? Spidey all the way!
Batman or Captain America? Batman!!
Dr. Doom or Lex Luthor? Lex Luthor
Democrat or Republican? I haven't chosen yet
Conservative or Labour? ...
Capitalist or Socialist? ...
Anarchist or Statist? ...
Carnivore, Omnivore, or Vegetarian? Vegetarian (I wanna be, but mom says I need lots of protein since I'm still growing)
Vegetarian or Vegan? Vegetarian
Vegan or Starvation? Vegan
The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers? The Three Stooges
Laurel & Hardy or Abbott & Costello? Laurel and Hardy
Martin & Lewis or Rowan & Martin? ...Who?
The Munsters or The Addams Family? The Addams Family
Bewitched or I Dream Of Jeannie? Both!
Wife Swap or A Kick In The Nuts? Wife Swap
Underwear or Pajamas? PJ's
Pajamas or Nude? PJ's
Both Of You Nude or One Nude & One With Pajamas? I have no one to be naked with... Ew.
Same Bed or Separate Beds? Um...
Seat Up or Down? Seat Down
Paper Hanging Over or Under? Over
Boxers or Briefs? Boxers
Baggies or A Speedo? What the heck is a baggie??
Bloomers or Butt Floss? Bloomers
Sock-Sock-Shoe-Shoe or Sock-Shoe-Sock-Shoe? The latter
Grecian Urn or Henway? Grecian urn
And Don't Call Me Shirley or Take My Wife, Please? And Don't Call Me Shirley
Pie Fight or Genteel Social Satire Full of Clever Bons Mots? Pie Fight!!