7.28.2008

Good things come to those who wait...

...eventually. Or so I've been told.

My mom and I have been trying to spend some "quality time" with each other, but it's getting harder and harder to. My grandmother is becoming more clingy to my mom than ever. Somewhere inside of me, I know it's especially hard on my mother to have to deal with. She has a 73 year old woman clinging to her 24/7. And I know it's stressful for my father, who hardly ever gets to talk to mom anymore. But my selfishness has started to get the best of me. I went to pain management a few weeks ago, and my therapist said that when my grandma is clingy like that, it's just the dementia acting up. It's not that she doesn't want me or dad to spend time with mom. The dementia is making her act that way. I guess it's just hard for me to wrap my head around. I understand dementia and how it works, I just can't see how someone once so loving and caring, is now acting like a 4 year old. I just really miss being with my mom and dad. I know that if I had a brother, or sister suddenly come into the picture like this, I'd feel the same way. But it's so confusing when I feel like I have to fight to get attention from my own mom. Mom says that everything will get better... eventually.

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Me, and one of my guy friends, M, have been friends for years. I've known him since grade school. We lost touch for about two years, (we had no classes with each other, and my school is pretty big) but this past year, in 8th grade, we had a class together. I was ecstatic. He was one of my bestest buddies ever. So, naturally, we became close friends again. I always had a crush on him, but it seemed like nothing. I never thought it would get in the way of our friendship. He's smart, and funny, and all that jazz, so yeah, I liked him. We've been texting each other all summer. I'll always text him before I go to sleep every night. But a few nights ago, he asked me the one question that made my heart drop. "Hey, do you think I should ask out J?" J is one of my bestest girl friends. We just met this past year, but we clicked immediately. I love her to pieces. She, as many girls at my school, likes M. And M told me that he likes her back. I didn't exactly know what to say. First I thought about telling him how I felt, but I realized that telling him that I liked him would get me nowhere. So, being the good buddy that I am, told him to follow his heart. If he truly likes this girl, and if she truly makes him happy, then they should be together.

I don't regret what I said. And I don't regret telling J that, "He's a good guy. He'll love you no matter what." (Which is true. I've seen every girl M has gone out with. He takes care of them when they're sick, and writes them songs when they're sad, and so much more. He's a truly great guy.)

I've still never had a boyfriend, nor have I had my first kiss yet. All my friends (and I'm not exaggerating when I say ALL) have had a boyfriend/girlfriend already. I asked one of my gay guy friends why he thought that I wasn't dating yet. His exact words were, "You're like everyone's little sis' Twinks. You're sweet, and kind-hearted, and cute. You're the one everyone comes to when they have problems. I guess everyone just considers you as more of a little sister." I took these words to mean that I'm just not ready to date yet. Besides, my dad would flip out if I brought a boy home. I know that my "knight in shining armor" will come... eventually.

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So, kids, I guess the moral of this story is... Well, I don't think there is a true lesson to learn from this. Just be patient. And hopefully you'll get lucky. ;-)

-Twinks

9 comments:

Suldog said...

First off, I was reading your profile. You are FAR from average. You're way above it, from what I can tell.

Now, you certainly don't need advice from a 51-year-old guy with a history of drug abuse and some less-than-savory job history (among other things) but I'm going to give you some, anyway. That's the price you have to pay when you link to me - I'm going to come around and say weird stuff. Sorry!

From what I know of you - from the blogs - you're intelligent, honest, and caring. For some guys, those are three strikes against you. I'll tell you why, but first things first: Forget those guys. You deserve better.

Intelligent women sometimes scare less-intelligent guys. Some guys feel threatened when a woman is more intelligent than they are. You could pretend to be less intelligent than you are, but don't do it. That wouldn't be intelligent :-)

Honesty isn't always appreciated. That's just the way it goes. Some folks would rather hear benevolent lies. Nothing the matter with making someone feel good about themselves, but some guys need constant reinforcement. If you've got some of them around you, that may be a problem. Don't worry about it, and just be yourself.

Being a caring person carries some problems, too. Some guys, at your age, are very hormonally-driven. What I mean, without being graphic, is that they have needs you may not want to fulfill just yet. That's fine. But, when you show a very caring nature, they know that they might have to be more caring in return than they are ready to be. They might just be looking for a quick good time, and not a real caring relationship. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, what this all adds up to is this: You are a person of value, with much to offer. As you seem to have figured out, waiting for the right person is a good thing. When that person comes, you will be both amazed and delighted. And you will be tremendously happy that you didn't sell yourself short or be something that you truly weren't.

You'll get that kiss, you'll find someone who values you. Try not to worry about it in the meantime.

Hope this helps.

Twinks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thimbelle said...

Remember what I've always told you... Wait for the guy that makes your foot "pop", Princess! :)

XO

Mom :)

Chuck said...

Hey there Twinks,

I'm afraid I don't have much advice on the boyfriend situation, other than to say that there's really no rush, even if it feels like there is. When you find the right guy, you'll both know it.

Now with regards to your grandmother...as I'm afraid you know, there are no easy answers. My mother is suffering from dementia, most likely caused by Alzheimer's, and it's very difficult to only see the person you used to know on their good days. I would remember that you and your parents are a TEAM dealing with this (they are the team leaders, but you're definitely part of the team) so when things get rough, don't be afraid to let them know about your frustrations.

My sisters and I all collaborate on my Mom's care (which can be a challenge since none of us live there so we have to depend on a care agency) but overall, it's worked pretty well so far. Not to say that we don't have disagreements about things on occasion, but having other people to talk to has helped a lot.

I don't know what it's like dealing with it 24/7 since I'm not at Mom's house all the time (although we all go there for regular visits)...but don't forget to take time out for yourself also. And, I know there are support groups as well, although I haven't gone to any myself yet. I may in the near future, though.

I would say that based on what I've read on your Mom's blog and your blog that you've got a remarkable amount of patience and maturity for someone your age.

Good luck with school this year!

Twinkie said...

Thanks to all three of you guys. I guess all I needed was some reassurance. ^.^

I appreciate it.

(Sorry I can't write something more meaningful, I'm just really tired...)

ciara said...

came by way of suldog via liebfraumilch and lipstick


you are one smart cookie...i think you handled the best boy friend and best girl friend thing wonderfully. i have this feeling that you handle other things in your life just as well even when you think you don't. :)

Twinkie said...

Wow, thanks. ^.^

I honestly thought no one would pay attention to what sully said about me + mom.

I really appreciate it. :-)

Melinda said...

You are one amazing person, Twinkie! At 29 years old, I haven't met many people as generous or open-minded as you are. As a person who has also been described as the "little sis" or "great friend" by guys I had crushes, on, I know how hard that can be. But trust me when I say there will be MANY guys who fall for your sweet self.

I wish I had advice for you about the situation with your grandmother. From what you wrote, it seems like you're handling things with maturity and grace. I hope I remember to be as understanding as you are when difficult times come up in life. You're setting a great example to all of us.

Twinkie said...

Melinda - Awe, thanks. ^.^

I've thought about it alot, and I think that if adults and grown-ups thought more like kids did, many things would be less over-thought. There would be much less stress. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that kids should rule the world, or that acting like a mature adult is bad. I just think that there's a sense of innocence and simpleness that we loose as we get older. I've noticed it myself first-hand. Kids (younger children especially) don't tend to over-think things. They see things in their most simplest form.

Now, I don't really know if any of that made sense, or if it even holds true, but I do think that kids think alot differently than adults do.

Sorry for the rant, just had to get it out of my system. :-)

Thank you guys, again, for all of your great comments. You've all helped me alot. ^.^