Currently: Sitting in my kitchen, texting my friends, listening to All Time Low, and writing a blog post.
Sooo.... Long time no see!
Sorry for not posting in forever... I've had so much stuff on my plate it's not even laughable. Between my friends, my boyfriend issues, my family, and my school, I haven't had time to relax, let alone write a post.
I've tried writing this post about 50 times or so now. Every time I either get fed up and delete it, or I save it in some random folder I can't find later.
I'll recap whats happened in the simplest possible ways. Please try and ignore my teenage stupidity, which has reared its ugly head quite often in the past few months.
So, lets start with the friends issue.
Well, as many of you read on my mom's blog, one of my very best friends passed away. It's still something I have to get through every day. He was one of the most amazing kid's I've ever met. He was like my brother. I still think about him constantly. I miss him sooo much.
I thought things were going well with my friends. I knew that my group of friends had issues. I mean, big issues. But i figured I could look past that and try to just be a good friend.
I recently found out that many of these so-called "friends" were talking crap about me behind my back. They were saying that they wanted me kicked out of our group. So, I quietly and gracefully left the group. I'm now hanging out with a completely different group of kids who love me, and appreciate me. They don't talk crap about me behind my back. If they have something to say about me, they say it to my face.
So, yeah... I just felt really lost and confused for a while. I went from being best friends with these kids I had known for years, to being a complete stranger.
Okay, now onto the boyfriend issue.
Basically I dated this kid who was one of my best friends. Bad freaking idea. He was way too preoccupied with his ex girlfriend [so much so that he cheated on me with her]. But that's neither here nor there. We don't really talk anymore, which kinda sucks. But I've moved on.
Umm. Well... Alot of stuff has been going on. My grandmother is just plain confusing nowadays. Some days she seems absolutely normal, while others its like taking care of a little kid. I really don't know what to do anymore. I constantly feel pressure to be a good grandkid, but its hard sometimes. Ok, its hard most of the time. I get frustrated because I feel like things aren't ever gonna be the same. I guess I never really came to terms with the fact that she's not just gonna magically change back to the way she used to be. I wish she would tho.
Me and my dad seem to be growing further apart each day, and its killing me. I know he's stressed from work, and grandma, and taxes, and all the adult stuff like that, but I just wish it could go back to the way it used to be. When we'd spend a bunch of time together and stuff... I don't know anymore.
Me and mom are okay I guess. I've been a crappy daughter lately, tho, so I'm afraid I'm loosing her too. I just feel like I'm pushing every body I love away. I can't control it.
Basically I've been a horrible student this year. I've gone from an A++ student to barely making C's. I really regret what I did this year. Basically I just stopped doing my homework all together. I really don't know why. Teenage rebellion maybe? I don't know. I just wish I hadn't messed up so bad. I may not be able to get into my dream college because of what I did this year, and I'm really freaking out about it.
So there's an update to my life. There's alot of little stuff in between I didn't mention, but I'm sure it'll all come out eventually.
Right now I've got finals this week. I'm seriously stressing about them too. These tests could make or break my grades. And my chances of getting into my dream college.
I get out of school next week. I'm really excited about that. No more waking up at 5am, no more homework, no more stressful teachers! Woohoo! :D
So I'm gonna learn how to skate. Like on a skateboard. Haha, it's gonna be awesome! My junior friend D is gonna teach me on Thursday. It also helps that he's amazingly cute. lol
I've really been into writing more poetry lately. And alot of photography too. I guess it's just a creative streak or something.
Wow... I actually finished the post. I'm quite proud of myself. :]
Well, not much else to report. I'll probably be posting more this summer, just as a head's up.
Just wanted to say thank you and I love you to all of my blogger friends who have stayed with me through all this. I really do appreciate you guys. :]
Okay, well I better get going.