5.19.2009

Long time no... Post?

Currently: Sitting in my kitchen, texting my friends, listening to All Time Low, and writing a blog post.

Sooo.... Long time no see!

Sorry for not posting in forever... I've had so much stuff on my plate it's not even laughable. Between my friends, my boyfriend issues, my family, and my school, I haven't had time to relax, let alone write a post.

I've tried writing this post about 50 times or so now. Every time I either get fed up and delete it, or I save it in some random folder I can't find later.

I'll recap whats happened in the simplest possible ways. Please try and ignore my teenage stupidity, which has reared its ugly head quite often in the past few months.

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So, lets start with the friends issue.

Well, as many of you read on my mom's blog, one of my very best friends passed away. It's still something I have to get through every day. He was one of the most amazing kid's I've ever met. He was like my brother. I still think about him constantly. I miss him sooo much.
I thought things were going well with my friends. I knew that my group of friends had issues. I mean, big issues. But i figured I could look past that and try to just be a good friend.
I recently found out that many of these so-called "friends" were talking crap about me behind my back. They were saying that they wanted me kicked out of our group. So, I quietly and gracefully left the group. I'm now hanging out with a completely different group of kids who love me, and appreciate me. They don't talk crap about me behind my back. If they have something to say about me, they say it to my face.
So, yeah... I just felt really lost and confused for a while. I went from being best friends with these kids I had known for years, to being a complete stranger.

Okay, now onto the boyfriend issue.

Basically I dated this kid who was one of my best friends. Bad freaking idea. He was way too preoccupied with his ex girlfriend [so much so that he cheated on me with her]. But that's neither here nor there. We don't really talk anymore, which kinda sucks. But I've moved on.

My family.

Umm. Well... Alot of stuff has been going on. My grandmother is just plain confusing nowadays. Some days she seems absolutely normal, while others its like taking care of a little kid. I really don't know what to do anymore. I constantly feel pressure to be a good grandkid, but its hard sometimes. Ok, its hard most of the time. I get frustrated because I feel like things aren't ever gonna be the same. I guess I never really came to terms with the fact that she's not just gonna magically change back to the way she used to be. I wish she would tho.
Me and my dad seem to be growing further apart each day, and its killing me. I know he's stressed from work, and grandma, and taxes, and all the adult stuff like that, but I just wish it could go back to the way it used to be. When we'd spend a bunch of time together and stuff... I don't know anymore.
Me and mom are okay I guess. I've been a crappy daughter lately, tho, so I'm afraid I'm loosing her too. I just feel like I'm pushing every body I love away. I can't control it.

My School

Basically I've been a horrible student this year. I've gone from an A++ student to barely making C's. I really regret what I did this year. Basically I just stopped doing my homework all together. I really don't know why. Teenage rebellion maybe? I don't know. I just wish I hadn't messed up so bad. I may not be able to get into my dream college because of what I did this year, and I'm really freaking out about it.

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So there's an update to my life. There's alot of little stuff in between I didn't mention, but I'm sure it'll all come out eventually.

Right now I've got finals this week. I'm seriously stressing about them too. These tests could make or break my grades. And my chances of getting into my dream college.

I get out of school next week. I'm really excited about that. No more waking up at 5am, no more homework, no more stressful teachers! Woohoo! :D

So I'm gonna learn how to skate. Like on a skateboard. Haha, it's gonna be awesome! My junior friend D is gonna teach me on Thursday. It also helps that he's amazingly cute. lol

I've really been into writing more poetry lately. And alot of photography too. I guess it's just a creative streak or something.

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Wow... I actually finished the post. I'm quite proud of myself. :]

Well, not much else to report. I'll probably be posting more this summer, just as a head's up.

Just wanted to say thank you and I love you to all of my blogger friends who have stayed with me through all this. I really do appreciate you guys. :]

Okay, well I better get going.

More later-

Twinks

7 comments:

Suldog said...

Twinks!

So glad to hear from you again! I'm printing this out to read, so will be back with more comments if I have any. But, for now, welcome back to Blogland!

Suldog said...

So, here I am again.

You know what to do, I think, so I won't bore you with unasked for advice. Except...

I'm not, to the best of my knowledge, a father. But, I know that if I was one, and I had a daughter I loved, I'd probably appreciate her coming to me and saying what she said in this post, that she'd really like to spend some time with me. I'd be really touched, and happy, that she loved me that much.

I know even less about being a mother, but I suspect much the same applies.

OK, God bless and good luck! Keep us updated!

Chuck said...

Good to hear from you. I am a lazy blogger myself at times.

I know exactly how you feel about your grandmother, it's how I feel about my Mom right now. We had lunch together today and we had a good time. But as usual, it was emotionally exhausting. Sometimes life isn't fair.

I am glad that your grandmother is able to live with the people she cares about most in the world, and I'm glad my mother has moved to my city so that my sister and I can see her more often.

Good luck with school. I've been through some similar academic meltdowns on occasion...I'm sure you'll get things back on track.

Hope you have a great summer!

teneal ann said...

Oh, lovey. Your life sounds almost exactly like mine was a few years ago- I know, you're going to hate hearing that, but I had some very similar things happen to me. Friends change, grades drop, college terror, - even my grandma growing more unstable.

You should NOT think your chances of dream college are gone. They are not. There is and always will be a chance. It will be more work, but it is still possible. Let me explain why, because if I had been told this at your age, I would have given myself a few ulcers.

Firstly, it is your junior and senior year that are most focused on by colleges.

Secondly, you are a -freshman-. So many freshmen mess up in their first year it's EXPECTED by colleges. They KNOW it happens. A new school, new people, new expectations DO that to people. It's when I first failed a class. It's when my grades dropped and I gave up hope on ever being a chemist.

Thirdly, (And please don't use this as an excuse to slack off, but knowing you, you won't) a poor high school transcript can always be expunged by a good college transcript. But wait, you say! If I don't have a good HS transcript, I'll never get into that dream college.

But you can get into a community college with anything, m'dear, even a diploma from the Monkey School of Hooting and Poo-Tossing.

So even if, after straightening up your act -this- year and doing well your next three years, you don't feel comfortable with your grades and you can't get into that dream of yours, this is what you do.

You apply to community college and you take the stupid classes there. You know the ones I mean- the ones that have no bearing on your future whatsoever. Mandatory Underwater Basket Weaving or whatever. (Every major requires a bunch of classes unrelated to the major, like as a chem major I have to take English.)

Now, of course, with your AP exams you can opt out of some of those classes. But where the trick comes in is this- if your dream college sees a college transcript, they won't so much as GLANCE at your HS transcript.

And even better- it's easier to transfer into any college from a community college than it is to straightforward apply.

So breathe. We all mess up at one point in another in our lives, and you have realized this so early- and so well- that you'll be fine. You're a brilliant girl, Twinks. Do not beat yourself up so bad that you lose sight of that, because that is when you really WILL lose out on things.

And my grandma- I live with her- has been changing since I was twelve. It's hell, I know. You miss who she was and if you're like me, sometimes you get so angry because you wish it was back to normal, that she'd stop being this way. I used to blame my grandmother, a bit, for some of the messed up things she did.

I'm still living it, and I don't have any advice. Love her, pray, do whatever you find necessary. Don't try to be the perfect grandkid, Twinks. Just be -yourself-. You're so amazing, that's all anyone could ever ask for.

And we all grow distant or feel like crappy children from time to time. We fight with our parents and we're sometimes ungrateful and sometimes mean. But Twinks- you actually consider those kinds of things. That makes you leagues above the rest. Like the others said- just tell them you feel this way. I had a heart to heart with my mother today, and I think our relationship grew so much stronger from it.

And other than that-

Skating? FLIPPIN SWEET. BRAVO. :) Sounds like you're at least doing better on the physical front, and skateboarding is incredibly entertaining. I wish luck to you. (Wear a helmet. That's my sagely older wisdom talking. You don't want dents in your head to match mine.)

&& PS; I know I did the whole "I was there!" thing a lot. Hope you don't take it badly, I mean it in the best way possible, girl to girl.

Carol said...

Hey!

I've been reading you for a while and just... nice to meet u! I like your blog so i hope to hear from u soon.

Bye ;)

The Whippy Curly Tails said...

Meow ... Time are tough! Our Mom's Mom has moved into an Assisted Living place. Good news is that she likes it.

BTW ... Our Mom said she & her Mom got a little distant with each other before she went to college. Things got better after she turned 18.

Have a very happy Summer ... And Blog!!! We like to read your posts.

=^..^=

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Suldog said...

Hey, Twinks! Any news to tell us? Would love to hear from you again!