7.28.2009

this is the most i've written in a long time.

I've been sitting here for the past five minutes trying to come up with some witty, fresh opening line for this post. So far: nothing. Ahh well. I've never been good at being "witty" per se.

I know, I know. I said I would post alot this summer. But as the days dragged on, I found I had nothing to post about.

I mean, sure, I could gripe about how I haven't gotten to see my friends. Or how there are days when my grandmother just drives me insane with grief. But I find those ramblings to be quite boring. And I don't want to bore my readers. So I've just decided to simmer within my own thoughts and post when I felt it necessary. Which, it appears, is now.

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Nothing big happened recently. I didn't go through some "life-changing event that left me floored," or something like that. I've just slowly realized that things have changed. Some very very important things in my life have changed and I feel the urge to write about it. So I'll write to you.

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Recently, my grandmother has declined greatly. And its obvious to everyone that she's not going to get better.

I mean, yes, she has her "good days" and her "bad days." But when it comes down to it, I can tell that she's worse than ever. Her ability to "cover up" her lack of social skills is now failing. An example: tonight, my friend came over to hang out. While he was eating dinner with me, mom, and grandma, he told us about how he moved here from [insert state name here]. He talked about how it was much nicer here than it was in [insert state name here]. If you looked at grandma, you could just tell she was desperate to be a part of the conversation. But instead of saying some "cover up" like, "Oh, well yes, it is very nice here!" she blurted out in an odd voice, "Did you have to say yes ma'am, and no ma'am?" Not only was I embarrassed that my friend had to see her like that, I was also mortified that she had gotten that bad at conversing. It scared me more than anything to realize how truly close we are to losing her.
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There are days when she frustrates me so much, I want to scream. But then there are times, like tonight, when I just want to cry. I want her to snap out of it. I want my old grandma back. The one I remember from when I was little. I miss her so much...

Me and mom and dad have been good lately. I've been trying to work at being an all-around better daughter, and helping them as much as possible.

School is starting in four weeks, and I'm not near ready. I'm supposed to be enrolled in virtual school. Which is like taking my classes on the internet. But so far the school isn't even sure if they're going to go through with it. Which is really stressing me out. I need virtual school. More than ever.

My friends and I are all good. No drama, thankfully. :] Being friends with all older kids is much nicer. Plus, its fun to be the little sister. :]

I've just concluded that boys are stupid. No offense if you are one. But they are. They're immature, senseless little buttfaces. Like I said, no offense.
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I dated a boy over the summer from my math class. We were friends, but we both didn't really know each other, which ended up being the demise of our relationship. Great kid, just bad circumstances.
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Current problem I'm dealing with is the fact that I've basically fallen for my best friend. Which is the worst thing that could ever happen to a girl. Ever. He's like a brother to me. He protects me, takes care of me, makes sure no harm could ever come to me. He's the funniest, most caring guy you could ever meet. We're each other's best friends. He calls me "lil sis." Too bad I'm also best friends with his girlfriend. Who he plans to marry. :/ Ahh well. I can deal. I have before. I'm just glad I'm lucky enough to be so close to him.
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You're prolly wondering if he knows how I feel. he does. He figured it all out before I did, to tell you the truth. Thankfully, he just finds it cute and funny. I dunno if that's a good thing or not. Either way, I'm just glad hes not all freaked out by it. He's smart enough to know that I would never come between him and his gf. And I wouldn't. The way his face lights up when he sees her, I just know he's in love. And that's all I've ever wanted for him. To be happy. To find love. I would never ever think of coming between those two.
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Ironically enough, a few days ago he asked me to be the best man at his wedding. (whether he marries this girl or not) I happily said yes. As long as i got to wear a tux with a purple bowtie. :]

So things have been kind of confusing for me lately. What with the best friend thing, and grandma going downhill so fast. There are days when I honestly don't want to wake up. I just want to sleep through everything and wait till its all over with.

Well I guess that's about all I have to say. My summer's been ok so far. Nothing note-worthy. Just general hanging out and such.
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This is the most I've written in a very long time. And it feels good. :]

Hope everyone's doing well. Sorry that I haven't been able to read blogs in a while. I'm really out of the loop. Ahh well.

Oh, and a little side note, you should really check out this kid, Christofer Drew, aka, NeverShoutNever. He's amazing. No lie. :] Some of the best music I've heard in ages.

More later.

lots of love,
Twinks ;]

3 comments:

Chuck said...

Hey there Twinks,

You are right, boys are indeed buttfaces at times. But as time goes on, they start to mature. You might find yourself a nice one in the next year or two, or in college. I know you'll find the right guy for you someday.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother...my mother is in a similar state. I think early on she was covering for her condition all the time but she can't, anymore.

Good writing and hope to see you online again soon!

ciara said...

hi twinks-boys suck lol what i don't get is why we girls cos so much drama over them (ok, not me, but you know what i mean hehe).

i don't know why that movie made of honor comes to mind when you talk about yourself and your best friend.

sorry to hear about your grandmother. i know it can be frustrating cos you know what she was once like. i don't know...sounds like you're handling it just as anyone else would. i'm sure your mom has the same feelings.

as for christofer drew from never shout never, many and i mean many, girls had shirts w his face and/or name on them when we were at six flags in st. louis. we just came back yesterday from a long family vacay. we saw never shout never, the veronicas, boys like girls, gym class hereos, the academy is... at a concert they had there. drew likes to talk a lot between his songs. well, not talk per se, but talk to the audience. telling us how he thinks we're pretty or loves us lol :) btw that show was mostly for my daughters hehe (alright, i'll admit i enjoyed it a bit, too heehee)

Suldog said...

Not to contradict Chuck, but if you take me as an example, men are just as silly :-)

Good to hear from you. As you know, you and yours are some of my favorite people I've 'met' on the internet.

God bless. Say "Hi" to your mom for me!