Have you ever felt like the floor got pulled from underneath your feet, and all of a sudden, you're free-falling, with nowhere to go? That's exactly how i feel right now.
There's 8 days left of summer.
Just typing that sentence makes me sad with nostalgia and memories never made.
And its true. I haven't done much this summer. Mostly sat around, watching movies, texting friends, etc. Sure, I've had a few friends over. But nothing...note-worthy. Nothing worth slapping in a scrapbook to look at twenty years from now. No inside jokes were created. No goofy pictures were taken. Nothing.
And now with my sophomore year not-so-slowly creeping up on me, I'm starting to realize that I'm not going back to "normal school" this year. I'll be doing virtual school. Which is basically me sitting at a computer for six hours every day, doing my classwork. But then what? After I'm finished with all my work for the day, what am I to do? I mean, yes, the obvious things, like reading books for fun, playing video games, etc. But without that social connection every day with my friends, I'm worried I'll become disconnected.
It happened last time we did something like this. In the fifth grade, many health issues started to crop up, so mom decided to pull me out and home school me. It was fun at first, sure. I got all my work done by noon, and I had the rest of the day off. But after a few months, i started to miss all my friends. I started to miss seeing them every day. And I started to slowly become more and more depressed.
I guess I'm just worried that will happen again. I know that since fifth grade, I've made tons of new friends, who would all love to come hang out. But I also know that without seeing someone every day, without that physical contact with the person, that constant reminder of their existence, they will soon be forgotten. Its not their fault. Its just part of who we are as humans.
So I guess I'm just worried. And confused. And half a hundred other emotions. Blah. I hate being a teenager sometimes.
Everyone here at the house is doing well. Grandma is... well shes just being Grandma. Little things have started to change. Like last night, when she went to bed, she completely ignored me. She's said goodnight to me, every night for the past 2 1/2 years. But last night she acted like I wasn't there. Like she didn't even remember who i was. I don't know whether I cried over the fact that she forgot about me, or that I'm realizing that we're loosing her faster than we thought.
So here's my goal: Make the next 8 days, some of the best, most memorable summer days ever. Maybe if I go out with a bang, I won't be as easily forgotten.